Lani Misalucha

When I was about 7 or so, I had a nightmare. My cousins and I had an outing at a resort and I stayed for the night at my lola's house (no, it's not haunted). That night I ran a high fever. I woke up wailing and for some strange reason I had ant bites all over (yiiiiii.. taas balahibo). Other than that, what made it more traumatic for me was the dream that I had. While splashing around in the pool area, I saw my mom, wearing her ube outfit that I like so much, my dad and Joseph leaving the area. I shouted for them, but they did not seem to notice me. I tried running after them but the people kept pushing me back. That’s when I woke up wailing. I remember my tita trying her best to soothe me, and she changed the covers for fear that the ants might eat me to death.

Ever since then, I have this fear (kept way, way down in the tunnels of my weird mind) that I will be left all alone. It never really affected me in a big way but now that I am on an emotional roller coaster I can’t help recalling that dream and that fear.

I feel so alone right now even if I have tons of friends. Come to think of it majority of them now are from work, which I will soon be leaving. It hurts me so much that there is nothing I can about it and that somehow I feel victimized. I can’t help feeling so bitter and so disdained at some people. What hurts more is that I understand the whole damn thing. Hmmmm I’ve heard that line before… ahh The First Daughter starring Katie Holmes – the dramatic scene between her and Michael Keaton (who plays Mr. President).

So now I am waiting for the positive “Melissa” to shine through this dark, beastly storm. Calling into mind Lani Misalucha’s song “Tila” …tila lilipas din ang ulan, tila lilipas din ang bagyo. Liliwanag din ang kalangitan at ang araw ay sisikat nang muli...